ACCEPTANCE

                                                         

                                                 

Well thousands of stuffs have been said about acceptance, it means a lot to different people and it implies much more than it meets the face to different persons today. But what does acceptance really mean?....OK, that might be too demanding but according  Merriam Webster online dictionary it is put as “agreeing either expressly or by conduct to the act of another so that a contract is concluded and legally bounded”. I will would like to put it this way "the definition of others about you of which you consciously or unconsciously agree to  due to your insecurities ".Acceptance is very good when it brings positive outcomes  but often a times we caught in web of others definition of about us without barely hearing our own voice or most times our voice is sold out to them in order to secure a space in their good book which we get at a penalty we tend to  pay until we probably recognize the captivity and enslavement we willfully chose to lock our self into.

Acceptance could generally implies accepting something, which could be either be a gift , good name, favor , a lift back home after a hectic day ,kind gesture which blow you out with your consent. oh really, but in a deeper sense who sees acceptance now as those great stuff nowadays , with the advent of modern technology , trending fashion, latest this or that, who is or who isn't this or that. lately people are involved in checking up with people lives than they are about themselves, when asked they just giggle with a big grin and reply "am just keeping a tab on Mac’s or Chloe’s life" without any definite reason but some sort of cheap jealousy because you're more than them, so they device ways to demean you so you fall into their mediocre kind of life by making you feel inferior.

The thing is this, most people are too concerned with what people think about them in the 21st century and am not saying we shouldn't be, at-least it should be from those well deserving persons, and also  busy living other people lives wishing to be loved and accepted just like them , we left our lives relegated to the background in the trash can because of our insecurities , fears, we don't feel good enough lacking confidence, because we have watched it , heard it and we admired the star that performed it, we wish to be like those stage managed lives hoping to be accepted. well the sign post reads “you on the wrong track find yours!!! “, this often comes when self-awareness and purpose isn't clearly defined and pursued which down pours self-pity and soliloquy at those  odd moments . Just because we want to hang out with the coolest guys in town we sell our selves so cheap to their lifestyle that doesn't go down well with us, just to remain in their good book, sometimes even our guts become so disgusted of our decisions.

We don't need to be super this or that to be beautiful or handsome, after-all beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, we  need to first accept our selves not what people think of  us or not . Trust me GOD created us in His image we should seek to please him alone, not some friends who throw inferiority. GOD desire we please him alone and if we sincerely do, that what others think of us wouldn't count or stand the taste of time, if we choose him we have the peace the world can’t   give. Also we should find inner peace and contentment with ourselves, we shouldn't base our life on the worlds standard.it becomes imperative to define purpose for living at this time; this becomes a guide to check irrelevancy and subjugation, setting a template for a brighter future.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent; it’s your life rise to the occasion"

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THE DEFINITIONS OF TRUE HAPPINESS

happiness ideally to the very ordinary man is all about having the very well dreamt of .it is well spoken if the those dreams really portrays the true desires but until then happiness is just another language of the the rich . happiness on the extreme is loud, dumb founding and somewhat crazy. happiness tends to pop up just when the most affectionate part of our life is touch with warm arms of grace, its  not far  fetched why we immediately laugh and smile when we are been poked or tickled by our dear friends.
It is said "man is in constant pursuit of happiness“ that is obviously true viewing from the way we suddenly wake up by the buzz of alarms which annoys trust me, to heavy traffic that is exhausting just to meet up some else’s desire which in the end meeting up with our own desires in monetary terms probably.
Happiness means different things to different people based on their reasons and sources , here are 13 things happiness is and not.

1.happiness is not  fantasy expecting the very much desired ,but a concerted effort To achieve them that’s why toddlers don’t just admire walking but take bold steps to move

2.it’s not the pursuit of making others happy always while you wear away in secret hoping to get appraisal

3 it is contagiously non-expectant .happy people are naturally spreading true happiness unconsciously to people and expecting no reward in return

4.happiness is finding the extra-ordinary in the ordinary .The world is looking for the person who will climb Mont Everest  to be celebrated  but true happiness is  finding that little thing that might not be popularly opinion which eventual produces happiness

5. This is a mindset  and a tradition. This might sound the unusual happiness can’t be received if not well prepared for, it is like a fountain that is always flowing in spite of challenges and obstacles,   a tradition and a lifestyle that never graduates but keeps learning.

6.happiness is been satisfied with the little and the very much while striving to get more  to maintain balance without been envious at a neighbours success in between

7.Been satisfied with the conceived  success is not happiness but mediocrity when there's  a lot of room to be better-off

8.The joy of been humane.living in extreme opulence and wealth whatsoever,doesn't signifies happiness  if it doesn't affect those in excruciating poverty

9.happiness is having peace within. A harmony between thought ,discipline, principles of the soul with the actions of the body

10.it is a function of time ,it is not too much in a hurry to meet-up to the concieved status quo, rather patiently cheering up for the time

11.The realization that challenges are inevitable in life and the fact is tackling it, is up to you!
12.Happiness is giving happiness .

13.happiness is finding happiness.

14.Above all happiness is divine. Only God can give true happiness ,not drugs ,wealth, or pleasure

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Coping with Terrorism

Terrorism threatens a society by instilling fear and helplessness in its citizens. It seeks to hold
a society or government hostage by fear of destruction and harm.
When terrorist acts occur, people generally look for ways to cope with the acute stress and
trauma. Terrorism evokes a fundamental fear of
helplessness. The violent actions are random,
unprovoked, and intentional, and often are
targeted at defenseless citizens. Trying to cope with the irrational information that is beyond
normal comprehension can set off a chain of psychological events culminating in feelings of
fear, helplessness, vulnerability and grief. Xenophobia — fear or hatred of strangers or foreigners — can be heightened under a terrorist threat and can become a social and
psychological danger. The fear generated by terrorism can be exacerbated by a population's
diversity if there is distrust between groups,categories and classification of citizens. It is important to recognize that diversity in a
population can be an opportunity for unity and strength. There are members of our diverse
society who have experienced past terrorist incidents. The knowledge and experience they
have gained from surviving and coping with these incidents can make them a valuable
resource on how to cope and how to offer assistance to others.

..who are affected
Survivors of past traumatic events (e.g.,refugees of wars, terrorism or torture, and survivors of domestic violence, child abuse or
street crime). These individuals may have a heightened sense of vulnerability.People who personally witnessed or were victims
of the terrorist attack.
People who experience traumatization from
learning of relatives, friends and acquaintances who were subject to the violence, or from exposure to repeated media accounts of the
trauma.

Experiences after terrorist attack :
Recurring thoughts of the incident
Becoming afraid of everything, not leaving the house or isolating yourself Stopping usual functioning, no longer maintaining daily routines .  Survivor guilt — "Why did I survive? I should
have done something more."Tremendous sense of loss
Reluctance to express your feelings, losing a sense of control over your life

Coping with the trauma:
Identify the feelings that you may be
experiencing. Understand that your feelings are a normal reaction to an abnormal situation.
2. Remember that you have overcome adversity and trauma in the past. Try to remember what
you did that helped you overcome the fear and helplessness in that situation.
3. Talk to others about your fears. It's okay to ask for help. Workplaces may convene small groups
with an EAP counselor or other mental health counselor so people can share feelings.
4. Make efforts to maintain your usual routine.
5. Think positively. Realize that things will get better. Be realistic about the time it takes to feel
better.
6. Recognize that the nature of terrorist attacks
creates fear and uncertainty about the future. Continue to do the things in your life that you
enjoy. Don't get preoccupied with the things you cannot control to the extent that they prevent
you from living your normal life.
7. Know the actions our government is taking to
combat terrorism and restore safety and
security. Recognize that trained officials throughout the country are mobilized to prevent, prepare for and respond to terrorist
attacks.
Finally,don't stay ignorant be security conscious , we can build a  more safer Nigeria if all come under one umbrella of God and ask for change

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Getting rid of re-occurring and stuck thoughts

Have you had you mind thinking  about a particular thing over and over again even though its not a personal wish? ,this might have gotten a pound out your happiness and psych .sometimes you wonder If others do have this feeling . Stuck thoughts… the brick walls that form a prison around your mind. The harder you try to get rid of them, the more powerful they become.The content or nature of the obsessions have morphed into many different animals over the course of 30-plus years, but their intensity and frequency
remains unchanged.Good news It's a new year!  You don't have to be there again ,Here are some strategies that will help you conquer  at any of their  surprise visit;

1. Don’t talk back.

The first thing you want to do when you get an intrusive thought is to respond with logic. By talking back, you think you can quiet the voice.
However, you actually empower the voice. You give it an opportunity to debate with you and make its case. The more you analyze theobsession — “That is a silly thought because of
reasons A, B, and C” — the more attention you give it and the more intense it becomes.
In “The Mindful Way through Depression “Sorting things
out and forcing a solution will always seem like the most compelling thing to do … but in fact
focusing on these issues in this way is using exactly the wrong tools for the job.”

2. Know it will pass.

I can do anything for a minute. Most things for an hour. A considerable amount for a day or
two or three.Most of my intrusive thoughts — the intense
phase, anyway — have a lifespan of two or
three days. I find the obsessions much more
manageable when I compare them to the cravings for alcohol which  comes with intensity and then they leaves . Remember to bear with
them for 24 hours and refrain from doing anything stupid. Then trust me your brain would be yours
again.
Your stuck thoughts are not permanent!. They will be gone soon enough.

3. Focus on now.

Your stuck thought is most likely based in the
past (feelings of regret, mistakes failures, heartbreaks,death of love one   etc.) or the future(my career ,future partner, would I achieve my dreams ,would I be poor ?my kids ).Though its good to think about the future and learn from the past,but not to a point of obsession, that you  are not longer at ease with yourself . Rarely are we obsessed about something that is happening in the present because we are too
busy living this moment( the past and future ). It can seem impossible to engage with what’s happening in our world in real time when we have a riveting made-for-TV
drama unfolding in our heads, but the more successful we are at tuning into the here and
now, the less tormented we will be by our stuck thoughts. try to be around people and have
conversations so that you  concentrate on what they are saying , not the text messages of your chattering mind.

4. Tune into the senses.

An effective way to anchor your mind in the here and now — and away from the obsession du jour — is to tune into the senses. Our five
portals to the world — seeing, smelling, tasting,
feeling, and hearing — can transition us from the doing mode to the being mode. Here is a story , A lady was tucking her  daughter into bed the other night she was  obsessed about something
that had happened that day: theorizing why it
occurred and arriving at 342 solutions to solve the problem.Her  daughter grabbed her  hand to
hold, and it occurred to her that she  was missing out on a precious moment because of some stupid stuck thought. So she made a conscious effort to focus on her little hand in mind, her
soft, babyish skin against her weathered hands.Concentrating on her hand led her out of her head and into reality. Put your sense into work :see it,feel it,live in that moment!

5. Do something else.

If you can, distract yourself with some other activity. You need not start an ambitious project to change gears. I mean, clearing the rubbish around, cleaning  bathroom walls ,reading your favourite book .whatever it is get get your mind busy it  might  definitely do the job, but
so could walking around the block or working on a word puzzle also .

6. Change your obsession.

You might try to replace your obsession with another one that isn’t so emotional or
damaging. One you think about you smile and wade it off

7. Blame the chemistry.

I experience great relief when I remember that
I am not obsessing about something because that thing is crucial to my existence and should
replace priorities one, two, and three, but rather because the special biochemistry inside my head
is wired to ruminate a lot . The subject of the obsessions isn’t all that important. There is no
catastrophic problem that needs to be solved in the next 24 hours. In fact, the unstuck thought
might be 100 percent fluff, a made-up story the brain fabricated because it couldn’t find
anything interesting enough in real life to warrant ruminations.

9. Admit powerlessness.
If I have tried every technique I can think of and am still tormented by the voices inside my
head?. Get on your knees and admit
powerlessness to God who can solve all issue including this   wonderful brain biochemistry. I stop my efforts to free myself
from the obsessions’ hold and allow the ruminations to be as loud as they want and stay positive  as long as they want because, as I said in the first point, I know they will eventually go away. Stay free !!!

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The new kind of resolution

It's about new year!,you might be planning about writing resolutions or probably have written one.new Year’s Eve is traditionally a time that we attend to the tick of the clock. As we do so, we reflect on the previous year, resolving to do better this coming year.Most resolutions people make are repetitive,year after year. We’re going to achieve more, exercise more, drink less, get spiritually devoted,save money,be better organized, be more patient and spend more time with family and friends.
Wonderful ideas!. So how come it takes you (if you’re like most folks) about 7 to 10 days to fall
off the wagon? Just some days you set off for the  journey
Are you just weak-willed? Or could it be that something’s wrong with your resolutions? It could, of course, be both. But let’s see what
happens if you create different types of resolutions. Here are my top 11.

1. I will believe that I am good enough. I am not
perfect, not flawless, not faultless, yet, I am good enough. Hence, I am worthy of love and
respect (both from myself and others).

2. I will acknowledge that I am a work in progress.
I may not be everything I want to be, yet I can take pride in who I am right now because I am changing

3. I will switch my negative narrative (I can’t do this) to a positive one (but one thing I can do is…).

4. I will remind myself that no matter how challenging my struggles are, I have much to be grateful for.

5. When I feel vulnerable and lost, I will seek understanding and connection, rather than numbing myself with drugs, drink,  food,self pity and complains

6. I will appreciate the best in myself rather than comparing myself to others to notice how I fall
short.

7. I will feed my thirst for knowledge by being curious, learning more about what piques my interest.

8. I will remind myself that there is no quick way through life’s worst moments, but those moments won’t be forever and I won’t always
feel so alone.

9. I will do my best to respond to criticism with grace, generosity and goodwill as I learn yet another way that people can perceive things.

10. I will scale back on all the things I believe I ‘have to’ do so that I make time for nurturing
myself and those closest to me.

11.I may not have serve God in a better way this year,yet I will not give in to the pressure to give up I will continue to press on .
What do you think of these types of resolutions?
I like them. Why? Because I believe that greater acceptance of self has the potential to create
more meaningful changes than only focusing on
what you dislike about yourself.

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comparison with others

Comparison is the act of evaluating personal self worth in terms of others.comparing yourself with others is very much good only within a certain proportion at which you are able to spring   positively  .
However most people get into comparison resulting to self pity at the end. This very attitude should be  extremely examine in order to have peaceful daily living as this may result to suicide  “You shouldn't compare yourself to others!”,
people might tell you.
Of course, without an explanation this is
about as good advice as “Just be yourself!” or
“Just be more confident!”.
Most likely it will not help at all.
So, why shouldn’t we compare ourselves to
others?
One reason is that there is always someone –
or more likely, a bunch of folks – better than
you.
If you focus your mind to compare your life to
other people´s lives you will always find
someone new above you. And your self-
esteem will take a beating.
If you get a nicer shoe to feel better compared
to neighbour next door and you will feel
satisfied for a while. The next day, on you
way to work, you notice that the guy who's
always out working at mechanic shop has an even better shoe than you.One of the big reasons we compare our lives
is to get approval. And in general I think that
wanting approval from others is a big obstacle
in both personal growth and living a happy
life. We may want the neighbours, friends
etc. to think/say: “Did you see that new car/
swimming-pool/shoes? It is the coolest on the
block. S/he´s is moving up in the world”.
A problem with comparing yourself to others
and wanting approval from them is that you
let others control how you feel in life. You feel
bad when you are saving for the new car. You
feel great when you finally have gotten
enough money to drive it home. And then you
feel bad again when you see that someone
else has an even finer automobile.
It´s a bit like being puppet and having other
people pulling the strings. They limit you
movements and your life. You might have
some movement but the strings controls
which way you are going.
How to gain that inner freedom
The thing about lessening your need for
approval is that you have give up both
positive and negative approval. They are
connected because when if you no longer
crave positive cheers and approval from
people then you will no longer have fears of
not getting that approval either.
When you really start to give it up – which
might have to be done over time and with
patience as your ego probably will want to
snap back to seeking that sweet, sweet
approval – you start to realise that neither of
them are that important. They are really only
as important as you decide they are. You are
what you think you are and the world is what
you think it is.
Another way to free yourself is to put in some
massive, drastic action. Like, instead of
driving your car, starting to ride a bicycle to
work. This could catapult you right into
disapproval and let you move outside your
comfort zone quickly. When you first move
out of your comfort zone it is uncomfortable.
But after a while you get used to it and theit shows up
serve the feeling in your mind and body
without judging it. If you just let it in and
observe it for maybe a minute or two
something wonderful happens. The feeling
just vanishes. Yeah, I know, it sounds weird
but give it a try.
The funny thing is when you no longer need
approval from others, when you stop
comparing yourself to others you will have a
greater inner freedom to do what you want.
You will notice positive opportunities in your
life that wasn't there before.
And, as usual, dont feel too bad or beat
yourself up if you snap back to wanting
approval. Just get back on track the next day,
keep it up and gradually you will change.

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Planning for a new year

it is very obvious it's yuletide and the  year is coming to a close,but merely ending it,is not just the goal of the year .At this moment the very wise thing is to see the year in retrospect, to access the the success achieved and the opportunity missed.Nevertheless dwelling in the past is not a successful mindset but precautionary one .Don't procastinate, there has never been a better time in all of
human history to be alive than today.
There are more opportunities for you to
accomplish more things, in more different fields,
engaging in more different activities, than have
ever existed before.
Resolve today to make 2014 the very best year
of your life. Resolve today to draw a line under
your past and to focus very clearly on your
future.
Resolve today that you are going to set goals,
make plans, take actions and achieve more in
the coming year than perhaps you have ever
accomplished in any one single year before.
One of the great rules for success is this: “It
doesn’t matter where you’re coming from; all
that really matters is where you’re going!”
No matter what you have done or accomplished
in the past, “that was then and this is now.”
The very best days, weeks, months and years of
your life lie ahead. The most exciting
accomplishments and the greatest achievements
are still to come. As Shakespeare said, “The past
is merely a prelude.”
As it happens, everyone has goals. But some
people seem to accomplish their goals far more
systematically and with greater assurance than
others. Why is this? The answer is simple.
People who accomplish goals at a higher rate
than the average are people who use a
systematic, proven method of goal setting and
goal attainment.
Focus and Concentration
Perhaps the two most important qualities of
success are focus and concentration. Focus
means knowing exactly what it is you want and
concentration means having the discipline to
concentrate single-mindedly on one thing, the
most important thing, until it is complete.
If you have these qualities, and both of these
qualities are learned through practice, you can
accomplish virtually anything. There are no
limits on your future if you can focus and
concentrate every hour of every single day.
Back From the Future Thinking
The starting point of setting goals for the coming
year is for you to project forward and think
back. Practice what we call “Back from the
Future” thinking. Project forward to the end of
the next twelve months and ask yourself, “If
everything happens perfectly, what will it look
like?”
The one quality of men and women who become
leaders in their own lives and societies,
throughout all of history is the quality of vision.
They have the ability to visualize. They can see
the future well in advance of it becoming a
reality. They can then see the steps that they
will need to take to get from where they are to
where they want to go.
So if your next twelve months were ideal, in
every respect, what would happen or, what
would have happened, at the end of that twelve
month period?
You need to set goals that are multi-
dimensional. You need to set goals for every
part of your life so that you function like a well-
oiled machine, like a balanced wheel that goes
around smoothly in every respect. You need
goals for your health, for your career, for your
finances, for your relationships, for your
personal and professional development, for your
community and for your spiritual growth.
Nothing happens by accident. Everything
happens for a reason. And you are the “primary
creative force” in your own life. You are the
reason. Things are happening in your life
because you make them happen, not because
you sit around and wait for them to happen.

7-Goal Setting Model
Here is the basic seven-step model of goal
setting. You can use this like breathing in and
breathing out on a regular basis to accelerate
your attainment of any goal you can imagine for
yourself.

Step One
Step number one is for you to decide exactly
what you want. This immediately moves you into
a separate category of people because most
people have no idea of what they really want.
Clarity is the most important single quality of
goal-setting and perhaps the most important
single quality of success. Decide exactly what
you want in each area of your life. Instead of
fuzzy goals like more money, better health and
happiness, be specific about exactly how much
more money you want to earn in a specific
period of time and combine that with exactly
what level of health and fitness you desire.
Most people are unconsciously preoccupied with
the fear of failure. It is the greatest single
obstacle to success in adult life. And the fear of
failure can work on you unconsciously by
blocking you from setting clear specific goals.
Why? Well, if you don’t set clear, specific goals,
then you can’t fail to achieve them. So your
subconscious mind is actually protecting you by
helping you to avoid failure.
You must resist and overcome this tendency by
having the courage to be bold and specific about
exactly what you want.

Step Two
Write your goal down on paper.
Anywhere for that matter, have written goals.
Everyone else that thinks about a written goal
and plans to write them down, someday. But
they never get around to it. Most people spend
more time making a list of groceries before they
go shopping or planning a vacation than they do
in planning their lives. But again, this is not for
you. Success begins with a pad of paper, a pen
and a few minutes of your time. One of the
most important keys to success is to “think on
paper.”
All successful people “think on paper.” And
here are two important points. If you cannot
write it down clearly and specifically on a piece
of paper, then it means that you are not really
clear about it yourself. Perhaps you don’t even
want it. What is worse, it may be that you are
afraid that you may not attain it. Nonetheless, a
goal that is written down is merely a fantasy or
a wish. A goal that is clearly written and
described on a piece of paper takes on a power
of its own, it is now something concrete that you
can touch and feel and work with.
The second principle of writing goals down is
that something miraculous happens between
the head and the hand. When you actually write
a goal down, it is as if you are programming it
into your subconscious mind and activating a
whole series of mental powers that will enable
you to accomplish more than you ever dreamed
of. By writing it down you intensify your desire
for the goal and you increase your belief that
the goal is possible.
You begin to expect to achieve the goal and you
start to attract people and circumstances into
your life that are consistent with the attainment
of the goal. Writing your goal down is one of the
most amazing of all goal-setting skills and it is a
key to your success .

Step Three
The third step is for you to set a deadline. If it is
a large goal, set a series of sub-deadlines. A
deadline acts as a “forcing system” on your
subconscious mind and begins to move you
toward your goal rapidly while it moves your
goal toward you.
Sometimes people ask me, “What if I set a goal
and I don’t achieve it by the deadline?” The
answer is simple. Set another deadline.
Remember, a deadline is a guess-timate of
when you will achieve it. Sometimes you will
achieve your goal well in advance of your
deadline. Sometimes goals will take much longer
than you expect. But you must have a target
time before you set off.
It is like making a reservation at a restaurant.
You may be five minutes early or five minutes
late, but you always have a specific time for
which your dinner is reserved.

Step Four
The fourth step is for you to make a list of
everything you could possibly think of that you
will have to do to achieve your goal. The more
comprehensive your list, the more motivated
you will become, the more intense will be your
desire and the more you will believe it possible.
One of the things that hold people back is even
if they get to the point of a written goal; they do
not take the time to lay out a list of all the little
things they will have to do to get there. And
with additional experience, you will add new
items to your list until it finally becomes
complete.

Step Five
The fifth step of goal setting is for you to take
your list and organize it into a plan. A plan is
really quite simple. It is a list organized by
priority and importance. You decide what you
will do first and what you will do later. You
decide what is more important and what is less
important. And most of all, you decide upon the
one thing that is more important than anything
else that you can do immediately to begin
moving more rapidly towards your goal.

Step Six
Step number six is for you to “take action!” This
is the big killer for most people. They are
procrastinators. They have great ideas combined
with great hopes and dreams. They may even
get to the point of writing down their goals. But
when it comes to taking action, they always
have a reason or excuse to procrastinate to put
it off until a later time. However, as the Bible
says, “Faith without deeds is dead.”
It is when you launch toward your goal that you
begin to feel the desire and power that goes
along with goal setting. And once you have
launched toward your goal, it is much easier for
you to continue moving in that direction.

Step Seven
Step number seven is for you to do something
every day to move you toward your major goal.
Never let a day go by without you engaging in
some action that helps you move another step
in the direction of what you really, really want
in life.
Remember, you can’t hit a target that you
can’t see . And if you don’t know where you are
going, any road will get you there.
The simple seven step act of deciding exactly
what you want, writing it down, setting a
deadline, making a list, organizing the list into a
plan, taking action on the most important item
on your list and then doing something every day
towards your goal will change your life and your
future in ways that you cannot even dream of
today.

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